Thoughts: Losing Important Friends
22nd September 2014
Losing important people in your life is awful – there’s no way and no point in sugar coating it. It’s the pacing backwards and forwards in your bedroom trying desperately to maintain your composure. It’s the disappointment, surprise and painful mind games from someone you once confided in. It’s the endless ache in the pit of your stomach from each worsening blow. You can’t stop it, however, it’s life’s natural process of removing the people who don’t do anything for you. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses.
This is my most requested article but also a very personal matter to me as of recent events. Writing has always been my form of expression, I feel that words are the mind’s most powerful weapon. They say you should never break a songwriter’s heart because they’ll write you an album.
As I said, this is a subject matter very close to home, something that has cast a few stormy clouds over the past few months. I want to shed some more rays of sunshine back in to my own life and maybe even for people experiencing the same thing. If this blog post helps one person out, then it’s a successful one.
I’ll start by clarifying myself; I’m not here to name and shame. This isn’t an exposé or a public humiliation. I want to be as mature about what has happened in the past as I possibly can but, then again, isn’t it child’s play to have petty friendship troubles?
Meanwhile if other human beings aren’t your cup of tea, here’s a few alternative self-help techniques…
1. Write about it, then watch your troubles vanish
This is a website in which you can just write exactly how you're feeling with peaceful music playing in the background. As you type down your problems, they litterally just vanish away. It's very therapeutic and really does make it feel like your troubles are being soaked into the abyss. It's also quite a good source to find out how you actually feel about something. Your inner thoughts escape through your fingertips and it's really quite interesting. Rant away! The Quiet Project's Thought Room can be found here. It's absolutely amazing.
2. Ice cream is the cure to any problem ever
Don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. You're better than that! Do something constructive, focus your energy some place else. Learn an instrument, focus on your studies or try a sport. Get some fresh air and refresh yourself. Turn a bad experience to something positive, that's what I'm attempting!
4. Just write an album about it
Ice cream is scientifically proven (it's not) to fix any problem ever. Grab yourself a tub of ice cream and you'll instantly feel better about anything. Or grab six and feel extra good. Just to be sure.
3. Busy yourself, do something constructive
It's definitely not as simple as 'just write an album' - but it worked for Adele, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran etc. As Adele says herself, "I'll turn my sorrow into treasured gold", here she is (above) looking rather smug with all her Grammys. If you win a Grammy after reading this then I'd appreciate a cheeky mention in your acceptance speech, just saying.
Surround yourself with positivity and hang on in there, it can only get better. I hope this article was of some help to at least one person. I’d also like to point out that although I’ve been through a pretty rough stage, I’m fine. This is therapeutic for me but I’m by no means looking for sympathy. I am getting better at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the way things happen sometimes. We don’t always understand why the temporal pain we feel may very well be in exchange for long term happiness.
It will definitely be a while before I feel like I can properly trust someone again. That's a side-effect of the whole situation. At the end of the day, we're all only human. Maybe the person who ditched me will look back and see it as a grave mistake. Perhaps they'll actually be glad they brushed me off when they did. The future is a funny thing.
Thank you very much for reading. If you ever need someone to talk to, then I'm always here! Contact me either via social media or through my 'contact page' and I’ll do my best to help you or even just cheer you up. Until next time, goodbye!
Unfortunately sometimes beautiful friendships do end in ugly ways, this is something that can’t be changed. What I actually realised throughout this process was who my friends really are. It sounds generic and cliché but it’s true. I have endless respect for the people who helped me through losing my closest friend; they made me feel like actually I did matter to some people. I realised that they were who I really needed in my life. I’ve tried to explain to those people just how much I appreciate their existences but I can never truly articulate how phenomenal they’ve been. Guys, if you’re reading this, thank you so much. I’m sorry I can never properly express my gratitude but I hope you know that you’re great.
The process of losing a close friend can be painful; a strange entity that seems to consume your entire body and suffocate your happiness. This is by all means temporary. Your life will move on from this moment, everything will be better in a little bit of time. Perhaps you’ll even find yourself back on track with the very person you lost to reality. Occasionally you’ll pick up your phone to text them, then you’ll remember you can’t just do that anymore. However just because you miss someone, it doesn’t mean you need to rush back. Sometimes you have to keep missing people until you wake up one morning and realise that you don’t anymore. Granted, this isn’t particularly fun, but you’ll get through the other end okay. If someone is only making you unhappy, there’s no need to turn back in a hurry.
My advice to anyone going through friendship troubles is to gravitate towards those who make you happy. Ultimately these are the people you need in your life. Remember that your friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. The second every conversation starts to leave you feeling like an idiot, get out of there. I could’ve done without all the confrontation. By all means, tell them how you feel, try to amend things but don’t waste your time. All that time you waste with your head down, you could be missing out on something beautiful. My parents gave me the best advice – if they’re really your best friend they wouldn’t do this to you. What I’d like to add is that you don’t need to put up with the bullshit of someone who is clearly not bothered. If you’re important, they’ll make time. If you’re not, they’ll make excuses.
Friendship, or even love for that matter, can make you blind. You’re so sucked into the security of that person that when it’s taken away everything becomes numb. At the end of the day, if someone is going to take a deliberate step back then they’re probably not even worth reaching out for. Find someone who deserves your friendship or your love and make sure you’re receiving what you warrant in return. It’s a two way street, you put in what you get out.
Likewise, if someone you know is going through this, reach out to them. All they really need is your help. Sometimes people are too afraid to seek help, you might not even notice what they’re going through. People are very good at creating a barrier, sometimes the people you think are the happiest are the most insecure. Maybe you’ll even gain a new friend out of it too? Lighting a lantern for someone else will also bring light to your own path. Cheesy but oh so true.
Life is a process of obstacles and finding your way around them. Sometimes this can be easier than other times, a lot of the time you need a helping hand to help pull yourself through. Believe me when I say it, one kind comment can absolutely change someone’s day around.
By Jack Edwards